Hey everyone, just like I mentioned on facebook a few hours ago, here is the post I promised you, only, it is not the post I was planning on posting. You see, I actually had two posts for you, a double surprise. Only, God had other plans. One post I wrote two, almost three weeks ago that just needed a little bit of editing I have not had the time to do until tonight and the other post was going to be a life post about our trip to Joplin. I had just loaded all of the pictures and knew exactly what I wanted to write, I have been thinking about it for awhile and knew what I wanted to say. I started typing, enjoying thinking back on the memories of our time there, when suddenly, my mind went blank. I did not know what I was going to write next. I thought and thought, but nothing that came to my mind was what I was wanting to write, in fact, the thought that did keep coming to my mind to write had nothing to do with Joplin. In fact, the topic was not a topic I had ever thought of writing about before, it was a little uncomfortable because it required I write about something that did not fit in my perfect box. However, the more I thought, I kept feeling God tell me I needed to write about it, and for some reason, I needed to write about it tonight. Well, I was in the middle of struggling about whether I should write about it when my family came down and said they were going on a walk and wanted me to come. I gladly went with them, only, instead of joining in on the laughter and conversation, I hung back and just began praying. As I walked around our neighborhood taking in God's splendor, I prayed asking God for guidance and suddenly, the whole post just played out in my mind, exactly what I needed to say. This is still a difficult post for me to write, but I know God is wanting me to and I need to do it. I do not know why I am writing it, but I know that someone needs it, whether that person is you or me, I don't know. Sometimes God speaks to me while I write and reminds me of things or teaches me something new, so this post could very well be for me, I just don't know, but here is the post.
I do not know about you, but sometimes it is very easy to pray a prayer, but then make excuses for God so that He does not have to do anything. It is very easy to pray for the impossible, but to believe God can do it? Well, miracles happen to special people, not ordinary people or at least it often feels that way. Sometimes, it is so easy to start out praying something and believing that God is doing something great, only, after awhile, we begin to let reality set in and shake our faith. It is very much like Peter when he walked on water. He called out and asked God if he could walk on water, and when Jesus said yes, Peter more than willingly jumped out of the boat and began walking. This point of the story is like when you begin to pray. You believe with all of your heart that God is hearing you. You can see Him working all around you, everywhere you look is a miracle! However, suddenly, reality hits, people don't walk on water. What are you thinking coming out here? You were crazy, why in the world would God tell you to walk on water, no one else is doing it. It is so much easier to let those doubts sink in, the only problem is, when they do come in, we end up like Peter, sinking and in search of the ship instead of placing our eyes on Jesus, where they belong.
As young children, it is so easy to jump out and walk on water, believe God can do anything and that He will. However, somewhere along the way, our childlike faith unfortunately begins to fade. The world's reality begins to become a part of your life. I remember very well when reality truly became a part of my world. I had been praying a very special prayer for years, until one day reality hit that it was an impossible prayer. Much like Peter's walking on water. This prayer was very special to me, I began praying it around three, possibly earlier. I do not know. My prayer was for an older brother, an older brother named Caleb. I do not know why his name was Caleb, maybe it was because I had an older cousin named Caleb. I do know that it remained Caleb after I met Caleb Whitney. He was everything the brother I wanted would be, he was strong, kind, took care of other people, why he even had blonde hair and blue eyes! Unfortunately, Caleb Whitney was not real, he was a character in the River Boat Adventures, one of my favorite book series. I read them over and over again, in part because during those hours I read them, I could pretend that Caleb Whitney was actually my brother. Anyways, I prayed for this older brother for years. Only, one day, when I was twelve years old, reality hit. I could never have an older brother. He would have had to be born before me. I do not know why I had not discovered this before, but I do know that once I discovered it, the fairy tale was over. The reality was, Cinderella and the glass slipper was impossible, after all, do you know how many girls in the kingdom probably had the same size of shoe as Cinderella? I know there are a lot of girls with my shoe size!
After that though, reality existed. I am not saying that because I was praying I could have had an older brother, it truly was biologically impossible. What I am saying is that, at that point in my life, I let my childlike faith begin to slip away. I began to pray for things that were possible, and if they were not answered in the way I prayed, I made excuses for God. After all, miracles do not happen to ordinary people like me. They happened to special, extraordinary people like King David, Peter, Paul, George Muller, Amy Carmichael and all of the other hero's of the faith. For years, I was afraid to step out on a limb and truly pray for something amazing. Something impossible.
The thing is, God was doing miracles throughout this whole part of my life. My parents were starting their business and God was supplying for us in the form of miracles. For awhile my faith in miracles returned, but after awhile, the miracles that were happening began to become ordinary. I was letting God's extraordinary turn into ordinary and I was spending time focusing on the prayers He was not answering, not the ones He was. Thankfully, God did not give up on me. Throughout my life, God has always tried to prepare me whenever something big was about to change. I do not handle change very well and as a way of taking care of me, He has always prepared me earlier than He often prepares my family. The thing is, over the years, I would often try to ignore what He was telling me, you see, it took faith to believe that He was telling me what He was, it took stepping out on a limb to prepare, and I did not want to take a chance of being wrong. I was afraid. I do not know how many times change was so much harder than it would have been because I did not pay attention to what God was trying to tell me. However, several years back, God began to teach me to trust Him. I felt Him telling me something that I am not free to mention, but it was something that would really shake up my world when it did happen. Only, I did not pay attention. Instead I laughed at the thought of this ever coming to be. It was impossible. The problem is, it did happen and my world was swept into chaos for a time because I had not prepared myself. It is like people who are warned a hurricane is coming. They have the choice to believe the weatherman and prepare, or they can ignore it and the damage will be much worse. Well, after this point in my life, I was tired of the crashing and burning from not listening. I would not have had to go through the pain I went through if I had listened to God and prepared myself. After this, I told God I was tired of always ignoring His gentle nudging and I was going to start listening.
Suddenly, it was as if my eyes were opened, all of those miracles I have seen over my life returned. Sure, God did not answer my prayer for that older brother named Caleb I spent my childhood praying for, but God had answered other prayers. Sometimes God answers yes, wait or no. I began realizing that some prayers I gave up on were answered later, God had been telling me wait. Others, I had let become ordinary, like how God provided food when there was none, just like He had done for George Muller. I started searching and I discovered something, all of those hero's of the faith, guess what, they were ordinary people! Yet God did great things through them. I began to realize that maybe reality was not such a wonderful thing. No, fairy tales still are not true, something better is. God uses ordinary people and does extraordinary things in their lives.
I am not saying that it is easy now for me to always believe everything God tells me. Right now there are some things in my life that I do not understand what God is wanting to do with them, but I need to trust Him. It is so easy to become adjusted to what is happening and suddenly look around and let reality take over and forget that God is in the miracle business. We start looking at the waves and wind all around us and suddenly forget that the miracle is already happening, we are already walking on water! We become blinded to the miracle happening and suddenly, all we want to do is jump back in the boat, in the process we lose the miracle God is giving us. I do not know about you, but I have always wondered what would have happened to Peter if He had not let the waves bother him, but had kept walking on water. Sure, maybe nothing would have happened, but maybe, just maybe, a bigger miracle was at the end if he would have kept going. It is a big reminder to me to keep going, to not stop looking at the miracle taking place around me, but to keep pressing ahead. I do not want to miss out on a moment of what God has planned for me because I let reality seep in. In all honesty, we use reality as an excuse, I think a better term for it is fear. Fear to believe that God can do the impossible, no matter what the situation.
Thank you so much for letting me share this. In all honesty, this is the hardest post I have ever written. It is so much easier to talk about things from the past, but this is something I still struggle with, a battle I have to win every day. The battle to chose to trust God instead of letting reality or fear win. Maybe this post was for you, but remember how I said at the beginning that God often teaches me while I am writing? Well, He definitely used this post as a reminder to me to trust Him, even when the waves are crashing all around, He will hold me, He has a plan, and yes, He is in the miracle business. Now, before I let common sense talk me out of it, I am going to press the publish button. I am praying that God speaks to you as much as He just has to me.
Blessings, Michelle
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