"My hair is to thin or thick." "My eyes are to close or to far apart." "My lips are such an awful shade of whatever color." "I am to fat or skinny." Have you ever thought any of these as you looked in the mirror? You are not alone. For years these thoughts and many other degrading ones would fly through my head whenever I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I have also discovered over the past year or so that I was not alone, this is actually a common problem for many girls, even ones you would never guess it from. I have also discovered that much like me, they all thought that they were the only ones who felt this way because unfortunately, while it is easy to often see the beauty of others, it is so difficult to see the beauty in ourselves. This post and probably a few that follow are going to be about my journey to discovering the worth of the girl in the mirror and how I did in hopes that maybe someone else can too. From a young age I have had self image problems, so young that I can't remember a time in my life before the girl in the mirror taunted me with my faults. I would look at my friends, the girls on book covers and the girls on magazine adds and every time I came up short. In fact, as time went on, instead of getting better, it only got worse. By the time I reached my teen years it was not uncommon to occasionally cry myself to sleep at night the feelings of ugliness and worthlessness would be so strong. This affected my ability to receive love, which we are going to talk about in this first post. The girl in the mirror loved to tell me how unlovable I was, after all, who could love someone so ugly, even God?
I'll never forget the first time a friend of mine confronted me on this. God had begun to work in my heart on this area in my life and I had confided in her. She looked me in the eye and asked me an important question. "Michelle, can God lie to us?" I remember mentally rolling my eyes, I mean, duh, of course God can't lie. He's perfect! I said just about as much and she just said, "Then why do you call him a liar?" Now, this really befuddled me, when had I called God a liar? She went on to say, "God loved you so much, He sent His only son to die for you. So, how can you be unlovable if He has already shown otherwise?"
God loved me. Now, I had a choice, believe Him or basically revoke my faith in Christ, because either when He died on that cross He loved me or He didn't and if He didn't, then everything was worthless. One of the verses I love most from this time in my life is Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Nothing could separate me from the love of God. Even when I couldn't feel it or didn't think I was worth it, God loved me anyways! I had to accept the fact that I was wrong, I had worth in Jesus Christ and HE loved me, not because I deserved it, but just because He did. Nothing I could do or feel could take away His love for me. Accepting God's love in my life helped open the door for me to be able to accept other peoples love as well. Next time you feel you are worthless and no one could love you, remind yourself there is one person who loves you more than His own life, and nothing can separate you from His love.
We'll continue this discussion soon in the next post. I would love to hear from you! Have you ever struggled with accepting love or still do? Share your story in the comments below. :)
Blessings,
Michelle
