Hey Everyone!
Yeah, we'll give this blogging thing one more try. I was talking with one of my friends last night at church and randomly mentioned that I used to blog and she told me I should start up again, so we'll see what happens! Life has changed a lot since I last blogged I feel like, I am no longer a bridal consultant (goodbye Say Yes to the Dress life) and just started this past week working as a preschool/daycare substitute teacher. It's been going really good so far, I keep falling more in love with the job each day. :)
Almost two weeks ago I went to see my favorite group, Anthem Lights! It was so great seeing them again, but during that time, Alan told a story. I posted it on facebook, but I'll go ahead and post it on here and why it affected me so much. :)
Alan has a little girl named Avery Jade and he loves to tell her how much
he loves her. Ever since she has been little he has had this
conversation with her:
Alan: Daddy loves you so much Avery Jade, do you know how much he loves you?
Avery Jade: You love me a lot!
Alan: Will daddy ever stop loving you?
Avery Jade: No!
Alan: What if you're wearing pink? Will daddy still love you?
(giggling) Avery Jade: Yes!
Alan goes on with several more silly questions before ending the
encounter with a big hug. They do this every day and the questions and
answers never change.
However, two weeks ago Avery Jade threw a big
tantrum over something, kicking, screaming and crying. Alan held her
and calmed her down, after she had calmed he began like he always did:
Alan: Daddy loves you so much Avery Jade, do you know how much he loves you?
Avery Jade: A whole lot!
Alan: What about when you kick, scream and cry?
For the first time ever, Avery Jade paused. Then in a quiet, uncertain voice said, "I don't know."
Alan said it broke his heart. Nothing had changed for him, but
suddenly it had all changed for Avery Jade. He loved her
unconditionally no matter what, she is his daughter, but suddenly Avery
Jades assurance of his love, even after hearing how much he loves her
every day since she was born, she doubted if he could still love her.
Cuddling her closer, Alan told her, "Nothing you could ever do Avery
Jade will ever make me stop loving you, no matter how much you may cry,
scream or kick I will ALWAYS love you."
Aren't we all like Avery Jade? When we first become a christian and hear of God's love for us we accept it so willingly and so happily! Then, along the way, we keep falling back down. Suddenly, God is saying, I love you so much, do you know how much? And we're saying, I don't know, did you see what I just did? I just don't know if you can still love me. The whole time God is saying, "Nothing has changed on my end, I'm still here loving you, not a future you, the you you are right now." I love this image of God as our father just loving on us and trying to share that love with us. Afterwards Alan made the point to say, nothing that we can say or do is going to change how God feels about us, the question is what are we going to do with that love? Are we going to keep acting as if we need to earn the love and beating ourselves up every time we mess up? Or are you going to accept the love and just bask in it marveling how a perfect God can love you so much? I want to choose to marvel in God's love, for it really is a choice.
Last night at my church group we listened to a sermon by Matt Chandler from passion and he talked about how father's get so excited every time their kids take their first steps. They don't get mad when their kids fall down, instead they pick them up and encourage them to keep trying. It's not different than the story with Avery Jade when she threw her tantrum, when we fall down God isn't waiting for a chance to get angry and "smite" us, instead he is a loving father cheering us on to get back up and saying how much he loves us! So next time you fall down, instead of beating yourself up and thinking that God can't love you right now, remember the image of Alan with Avery Jade and a father cheering you on to get back up and keep trying to walk.
Michelle
Friday, April 3, 2015
Sunday, July 6, 2014
We had Joy, We had Fun, We had Seasons in the Sun...
Hey Everyone!
Sorry for the silence, summer has been happening in my corner of the world! This year for me that looks something like this: going swimming on my days off, still teaching piano and working at the bridal shop, but many of my piano students are on break so it is a more relaxed schedule. I've also been catching up on a lot of reading and dance classes! In case you didn't know it, I LOVE dance. :) This past week I even got into my splits for the first time! Here's a pic to prove it!
I also had the chance to go out and do a dance themed photo shoot with one of my good friends from work who happens to also be magic with a camera. :) I was pretty excited about this as I have been wanting some dance themed pictures for awhile! I'll even give you a sneak preview, though in the future there is going to be a special post dedicated to them.
The credits for the two dance pictures goes to Meggan Marie Photography. :)
I also got to go up to Worlds of Fun/ Oceans of Fun with a group from church and had a blast! I am definitely over my fear of roller coasters, yay!!!! I road the Mamba and Patriot multiple times as well as the others and the Patriot is definitely my favorite!
Then of course there was the Fourth of July Friday! Since I was in the Philippines for it last year this was my first time in two years to celebrate, so I was just a little excited. :) We went over to my Grandma's as is family tradition and she made the best meal! There was ribs, barbecue wings, brats, potato salad, corn on the cob, strawberry short cake and yeah, I better stop before I start drooling!
Over all it has been a great summer! I love this time of year, the weather has been beautiful so I've been able to go outside a lot and enjoy the weather and God's beautiful creation. Spending some great quality time with my family and friends has also been a huge perk of it being summer and everyone's schedules while crazy, have a little bit more time to them. :) Hopefully sometime this week I'll get back in the groove and finish up the blog series I began, I just wanted to pop in and give a little update on life.
Have a blessed week!
Michelle :)
P.S. If you don't like the blogs page on facebook already, please head on over and like it for updates more regularly! :) The link is in the sidebar.
Sorry for the silence, summer has been happening in my corner of the world! This year for me that looks something like this: going swimming on my days off, still teaching piano and working at the bridal shop, but many of my piano students are on break so it is a more relaxed schedule. I've also been catching up on a lot of reading and dance classes! In case you didn't know it, I LOVE dance. :) This past week I even got into my splits for the first time! Here's a pic to prove it!
I also had the chance to go out and do a dance themed photo shoot with one of my good friends from work who happens to also be magic with a camera. :) I was pretty excited about this as I have been wanting some dance themed pictures for awhile! I'll even give you a sneak preview, though in the future there is going to be a special post dedicated to them.
 |
| With my ballet shoes, I love how this turned out! (No pun intended :P ) |
 | |
| Sorry this pic is a little blurry, it was a picture of the picture on the computer, however I do love this pose with my tap shoes. :) |
The credits for the two dance pictures goes to Meggan Marie Photography. :)
I also got to go up to Worlds of Fun/ Oceans of Fun with a group from church and had a blast! I am definitely over my fear of roller coasters, yay!!!! I road the Mamba and Patriot multiple times as well as the others and the Patriot is definitely my favorite!
 |
| With three of my awesome friends in line at Worlds of Fun. From L to R: Kirsten, Me, Ricki and Ashley. |
Over all it has been a great summer! I love this time of year, the weather has been beautiful so I've been able to go outside a lot and enjoy the weather and God's beautiful creation. Spending some great quality time with my family and friends has also been a huge perk of it being summer and everyone's schedules while crazy, have a little bit more time to them. :) Hopefully sometime this week I'll get back in the groove and finish up the blog series I began, I just wanted to pop in and give a little update on life.
Have a blessed week!
Michelle :)
P.S. If you don't like the blogs page on facebook already, please head on over and like it for updates more regularly! :) The link is in the sidebar.
Monday, June 2, 2014
The Person In The Mirror
"My hair is to thin or thick." "My eyes are to close or to far apart." "My lips are such an awful shade of whatever color." "I am to fat or skinny." Have you ever thought any of these as you looked in the mirror? You are not alone. For years these thoughts and many other degrading ones would fly through my head whenever I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I have also discovered over the past year or so that I was not alone, this is actually a common problem for many girls, even ones you would never guess it from. I have also discovered that much like me, they all thought that they were the only ones who felt this way because unfortunately, while it is easy to often see the beauty of others, it is so difficult to see the beauty in ourselves. This post and probably a few that follow are going to be about my journey to discovering the worth of the girl in the mirror and how I did in hopes that maybe someone else can too. From a young age I have had self image problems, so young that I can't remember a time in my life before the girl in the mirror taunted me with my faults. I would look at my friends, the girls on book covers and the girls on magazine adds and every time I came up short. In fact, as time went on, instead of getting better, it only got worse. By the time I reached my teen years it was not uncommon to occasionally cry myself to sleep at night the feelings of ugliness and worthlessness would be so strong. This affected my ability to receive love, which we are going to talk about in this first post. The girl in the mirror loved to tell me how unlovable I was, after all, who could love someone so ugly, even God?
I'll never forget the first time a friend of mine confronted me on this. God had begun to work in my heart on this area in my life and I had confided in her. She looked me in the eye and asked me an important question. "Michelle, can God lie to us?" I remember mentally rolling my eyes, I mean, duh, of course God can't lie. He's perfect! I said just about as much and she just said, "Then why do you call him a liar?" Now, this really befuddled me, when had I called God a liar? She went on to say, "God loved you so much, He sent His only son to die for you. So, how can you be unlovable if He has already shown otherwise?"
God loved me. Now, I had a choice, believe Him or basically revoke my faith in Christ, because either when He died on that cross He loved me or He didn't and if He didn't, then everything was worthless. One of the verses I love most from this time in my life is Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Nothing could separate me from the love of God. Even when I couldn't feel it or didn't think I was worth it, God loved me anyways! I had to accept the fact that I was wrong, I had worth in Jesus Christ and HE loved me, not because I deserved it, but just because He did. Nothing I could do or feel could take away His love for me. Accepting God's love in my life helped open the door for me to be able to accept other peoples love as well. Next time you feel you are worthless and no one could love you, remind yourself there is one person who loves you more than His own life, and nothing can separate you from His love.
We'll continue this discussion soon in the next post. I would love to hear from you! Have you ever struggled with accepting love or still do? Share your story in the comments below. :)
Blessings,
Michelle
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Plie`, Jete`, Chasse`
If you're not familiar with the terms above in the title, their dance terms, specifically, ballet terms. :) If you haven't guessed it already, this post is about dance. Dancing has been a passion of mine since I was little, literally. I began when I was three. I danced from three to nine before I had to quit when my dad was losing his job.
I cried for weeks after my parents told my sisters and me. I had so many dreams that died that day, dreams of dancing in The Nutcracker, the dream of someday achieving pointe. I loved dance, I was passionate about it, and over night, it was gone. Life went on, here and there I would try to practice what I remembered, but time has a way of dulling even the good memories and I slowly lost everything I had spent years learning. Until last spring.
Last spring I got a second job outside of teaching piano, and with this added income came the renewed dream of dancing. I went online and made a list of every dance studio in my city, putting my old studio at the top of the list. I called each one and with each phone call the dream died again a little more. They all had the same response, I'm sorry, but since you're out of high school we don't have a place for you. You're to old.
I gave up until one day I saw the dance studio behind my doctor's office. I almost didn't call knowing they would have the same answer as all the other places, but I decided to take one last chance, after all, it couldn't hurt anymore than it already did. I will always be so glad I made that call, because their answer was very different than the other studios, they were excited I wanted to dance and told me I could start in the fall, and I would even get to do recitals!
When August came I was on cloud nine, I had gone to the local dance store and bought my leotard, shoes and tights, I was so ready. Now if it would only be everything I remembered, and it was. Dancing was actually even better than I had remembered! Oh, it's hard work, but it is so worth it! After all, the hard work is what brings you that sense of satisfaction after you've conquered a move that was particularly hard for you.
I've now been dancing for a year, A YEAR! My first recital since I was little was this past weekend. The story was Mary Poppins and I had the time of my life dancing through both of my dances! God is so good to bring a dream I had let die back to life! Below are some pictures from my dances, I'm in ballet and jazz. After the recital was over the first night I literally could not hold still I was so excited!!!!
I'm not the best dancer, but with a lot of practice I plan to just become the best dancer that I can be and dance every chance I can. :)
I hope all of you have a blessed day!
Blessings,
Michelle :)
I cried for weeks after my parents told my sisters and me. I had so many dreams that died that day, dreams of dancing in The Nutcracker, the dream of someday achieving pointe. I loved dance, I was passionate about it, and over night, it was gone. Life went on, here and there I would try to practice what I remembered, but time has a way of dulling even the good memories and I slowly lost everything I had spent years learning. Until last spring.
Last spring I got a second job outside of teaching piano, and with this added income came the renewed dream of dancing. I went online and made a list of every dance studio in my city, putting my old studio at the top of the list. I called each one and with each phone call the dream died again a little more. They all had the same response, I'm sorry, but since you're out of high school we don't have a place for you. You're to old.
I gave up until one day I saw the dance studio behind my doctor's office. I almost didn't call knowing they would have the same answer as all the other places, but I decided to take one last chance, after all, it couldn't hurt anymore than it already did. I will always be so glad I made that call, because their answer was very different than the other studios, they were excited I wanted to dance and told me I could start in the fall, and I would even get to do recitals!
When August came I was on cloud nine, I had gone to the local dance store and bought my leotard, shoes and tights, I was so ready. Now if it would only be everything I remembered, and it was. Dancing was actually even better than I had remembered! Oh, it's hard work, but it is so worth it! After all, the hard work is what brings you that sense of satisfaction after you've conquered a move that was particularly hard for you.
I've now been dancing for a year, A YEAR! My first recital since I was little was this past weekend. The story was Mary Poppins and I had the time of my life dancing through both of my dances! God is so good to bring a dream I had let die back to life! Below are some pictures from my dances, I'm in ballet and jazz. After the recital was over the first night I literally could not hold still I was so excited!!!!
I'm not the best dancer, but with a lot of practice I plan to just become the best dancer that I can be and dance every chance I can. :)
I hope all of you have a blessed day!
Blessings,
Michelle :)
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Book Review: Praying for Your Future Husband
Hey Everyone!
I decided that if I was really going to take this blogging seriously I better start today while the excitement is still here or the whole New Beginnings post will be my first and last post of the new beginnings. :P So, I decided to go ahead and do a book review on a book I read recently that actually goes along well with a series I am hoping to start soon. So, without further ado, my book review for Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer
******
Synopsis from the back of the book:
Have you ever thought about praying for your future husband?
Will it make a difference?
There's only one way to find out…
From when we were small girls, most of us dream of "The One," our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we'll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband!
Authors and good friends Robin Jones Gunn (Christy Miller series) and Tricia Goyer (author and former teen mom) believe God answers women's prayers for husbands—even husbands they may not meet for years. They invite young women to pray boldly for their future mate … while also asking God to prepare their own hearts.
In Praying for Your Future Husband, Robin and Tricia share their two vastly different experiences, including the things they did right and the mistakes they made on the path to meeting and marrying their husbands. Each chapter includes helpful Bible verses, prayers, and practical application, along with true stories of women who prayed for a husband and how God answered in remarkable ways.
God has a beautiful romance prepared for you. Prayer is the key to unlocking the love story … with your future husband and with God, the lover of your soul.
******
I have to be honest, while I love Robin Jones Gunn as an author, I was really skeptical going into this book. I feel like every time I turn around anymore there are so many 'self-help' books for singles to 'find that perfect boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse' when quite honestly, I don't really go for it. While I do want to get married and have a family, that is not the beginning of my life as so many seem to think, I really love my life and am enjoying participating in ministries I wouldn't have time to work for if I had a family to worry about. Being single really does have a lot of advantages. It was with this attitude I went into reading this book, I mean, I've randomly prayed for my future husband since I was about twelve or thirteen, but it was never much more than a, "God, please let him be a christian, oh, and blue eyes, blonde or brown hair would be nice." (It depended on what year it was whether it was blonde or brown. :P ) The pendulum even swung so far as to pray, "God, I'm really enjoying being single, could you just keep him really busy doing things for you right now, because I definitely don't have time for a relationship and well, I am enjoying doing all of these things I can do because I am single."
With this attitude I began the book, but it quickly had my attention, because it wasn't like any of the other books or speakers I've read/heard before. Each chapter begins with Robin and Tricia taking turns telling a piece of their love story, then giving some practical advice on what to actually pray for your husband. Each chapter would also give a testimony from an outside source on how prayer had actually made a difference in their husbands life before they had even met. For instance, one girl felt God really leading her to pray hard for her future husband to wait for her and leave any bad relationships he might be in over the course of eighteen months and journaled about it. Several years later after she had been married to her husband for awhile, she randomly mentioned it and after looking at the dates in her journal, it turned out he had been in a potentially very harmful relationship, but about the time her prayers began felt God telling him to get out of the relationship. How encouraging to see that our prayers actually can make a difference in our future spouses life!
Each chapter also went over something specific to be praying for your future husband, some examples being, that he is sold out in love with God, for his purity, that he will have patience, that he will be loyal and faithful to you now and after your marriage and the list went on. However, I was really pleased to see that it did not end there, it then went on to explain that if you want to marry a man with those characteristics, you need to be praying that God will cultivate the same in your own life. I LOVED this. So often it is so easy to pray for him to meet this list of expectations and totally forget that if you expect someone else to live up to that list you better already be living up to it as well. Each chapter would then end with two prayers, one for your future husband and one for yourself and then some group discussion questions. I read through this book on my own, but still found them very thought provoking.
At the end of the book was an appendix with a list of 52 things to pray for your future husband with a scripture, one for each week of the year. I really love this list and actually copied it and put it in my Bible so that I can remember to pray for my future husband using the list to get started.
Out of five stars this book receives a five star review from me. This is one of the first times I have seen this subject successfully tackled.
I hope you have found this book review helpful.
Blessings,
Michelle a.k.a. Mikala
I decided that if I was really going to take this blogging seriously I better start today while the excitement is still here or the whole New Beginnings post will be my first and last post of the new beginnings. :P So, I decided to go ahead and do a book review on a book I read recently that actually goes along well with a series I am hoping to start soon. So, without further ado, my book review for Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer
******
Synopsis from the back of the book:
Have you ever thought about praying for your future husband?
Will it make a difference?
There's only one way to find out…
From when we were small girls, most of us dream of "The One," our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we'll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband!
Authors and good friends Robin Jones Gunn (Christy Miller series) and Tricia Goyer (author and former teen mom) believe God answers women's prayers for husbands—even husbands they may not meet for years. They invite young women to pray boldly for their future mate … while also asking God to prepare their own hearts.
In Praying for Your Future Husband, Robin and Tricia share their two vastly different experiences, including the things they did right and the mistakes they made on the path to meeting and marrying their husbands. Each chapter includes helpful Bible verses, prayers, and practical application, along with true stories of women who prayed for a husband and how God answered in remarkable ways.
God has a beautiful romance prepared for you. Prayer is the key to unlocking the love story … with your future husband and with God, the lover of your soul.
******
I have to be honest, while I love Robin Jones Gunn as an author, I was really skeptical going into this book. I feel like every time I turn around anymore there are so many 'self-help' books for singles to 'find that perfect boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse' when quite honestly, I don't really go for it. While I do want to get married and have a family, that is not the beginning of my life as so many seem to think, I really love my life and am enjoying participating in ministries I wouldn't have time to work for if I had a family to worry about. Being single really does have a lot of advantages. It was with this attitude I went into reading this book, I mean, I've randomly prayed for my future husband since I was about twelve or thirteen, but it was never much more than a, "God, please let him be a christian, oh, and blue eyes, blonde or brown hair would be nice." (It depended on what year it was whether it was blonde or brown. :P ) The pendulum even swung so far as to pray, "God, I'm really enjoying being single, could you just keep him really busy doing things for you right now, because I definitely don't have time for a relationship and well, I am enjoying doing all of these things I can do because I am single."
With this attitude I began the book, but it quickly had my attention, because it wasn't like any of the other books or speakers I've read/heard before. Each chapter begins with Robin and Tricia taking turns telling a piece of their love story, then giving some practical advice on what to actually pray for your husband. Each chapter would also give a testimony from an outside source on how prayer had actually made a difference in their husbands life before they had even met. For instance, one girl felt God really leading her to pray hard for her future husband to wait for her and leave any bad relationships he might be in over the course of eighteen months and journaled about it. Several years later after she had been married to her husband for awhile, she randomly mentioned it and after looking at the dates in her journal, it turned out he had been in a potentially very harmful relationship, but about the time her prayers began felt God telling him to get out of the relationship. How encouraging to see that our prayers actually can make a difference in our future spouses life!
Each chapter also went over something specific to be praying for your future husband, some examples being, that he is sold out in love with God, for his purity, that he will have patience, that he will be loyal and faithful to you now and after your marriage and the list went on. However, I was really pleased to see that it did not end there, it then went on to explain that if you want to marry a man with those characteristics, you need to be praying that God will cultivate the same in your own life. I LOVED this. So often it is so easy to pray for him to meet this list of expectations and totally forget that if you expect someone else to live up to that list you better already be living up to it as well. Each chapter would then end with two prayers, one for your future husband and one for yourself and then some group discussion questions. I read through this book on my own, but still found them very thought provoking.
At the end of the book was an appendix with a list of 52 things to pray for your future husband with a scripture, one for each week of the year. I really love this list and actually copied it and put it in my Bible so that I can remember to pray for my future husband using the list to get started.
Out of five stars this book receives a five star review from me. This is one of the first times I have seen this subject successfully tackled.
I hope you have found this book review helpful.
Blessings,
Michelle a.k.a. Mikala
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
New Look, New Start
Hey Everyone,
It's me again.... finally. Sorry I have been absent for so long. I've thought about writing, but nothing ever really came to mind, so I decided to give Chocolate Strawberries a new look and hopefully with the new look, a new start. :) So, while I've been working on the new look I've also been working on and praying about the direction for this blog, and have finally come up with something that I feel will work well. I still want to do random life updates, but also start doing some series and posts on life issues/ things I'm learning. Also, just for fun, a random What I Wore Wednesday (I know I really enjoy them on other peoples blogs so why not have fun with them on my own?). I also am going to start doing book reviews on a regular basis. Hopefully one, if not two a month.
Well, I just wanted to give a quick update since I finished the new look. :) Also, if you're actually reading this, I have to say that I'm really impressed that I have any readers left and am so thankful for you. So yeah, guess I'll be seeing you here again soon!
Blessings,
Michelle
It's me again.... finally. Sorry I have been absent for so long. I've thought about writing, but nothing ever really came to mind, so I decided to give Chocolate Strawberries a new look and hopefully with the new look, a new start. :) So, while I've been working on the new look I've also been working on and praying about the direction for this blog, and have finally come up with something that I feel will work well. I still want to do random life updates, but also start doing some series and posts on life issues/ things I'm learning. Also, just for fun, a random What I Wore Wednesday (I know I really enjoy them on other peoples blogs so why not have fun with them on my own?). I also am going to start doing book reviews on a regular basis. Hopefully one, if not two a month.
Well, I just wanted to give a quick update since I finished the new look. :) Also, if you're actually reading this, I have to say that I'm really impressed that I have any readers left and am so thankful for you. So yeah, guess I'll be seeing you here again soon!
Blessings,
Michelle
Monday, August 26, 2013
Home
Hey everyone, I am sorry this poor blog has been neglected so badly lately. Other than the occasional What I Wore Wednesday, this blog has not had a real update in months, and a true heart post in almost a year! Well, all of that is changing with this post. I am hoping to do a series of posts of things God has been teaching me over this past year, ever since Kenya. Some of them He began to teach me while in Kenya, and others are much more recent. I have truly been missing this though, writing is a source of release for me, and while writing in my diary definitely helps me sort through the things I experience and feel, writing on the blog about different things helps me sort through them in a different way. I have missed this special sorting I get when I am forced to try to write out my thoughts in a coherent piece for my readers to be able to understand. Often in the process, I find I understand it better myself, whereas in my diary, I just release everything at once without trying to make it coherent and in an orderly way. It just comes out naturally. Both ways are so helpful, but I have been a little lopsided in missing the blog side. :)
I want to start this post with an honest statement, I went to bed crying last night. Yeah, my life isn't just full of fun and laughter and smiles. Oh yes, if you know me, you know that I absolutely LOVE to smile, but sometimes, especially in this past year, I need to cry. Ever since I have been little, I have viewed tears as a sign of weakness and fought them off at all costs, but ever since Kenya, I can't always hold them back. I am slowly learning, that they aren't a sign of weakness, they are God's gift and can be such a welcome relief from all of the stress and emotions of life. Sometimes it is just necessary to let go and cry. I am still not good at this, if I was, I would not have been crying a months worth of tears I have been swallowing until last night when I finally couldn't hold them in any longer. I am so glad I finally let them out though because all of the emotion I had been bottling up inside of me was getting unhealthy, to the point that I almost couldn't function through anything without being on the verge of tears. You know what I'm talking about, when there is this undercurrent of restlessness and sadness inside of you that colors everything you do in a not good way. I had reached this point. My emotions were so strong and coming to the surface at anything, both happy and sad, that I wasn't even sure any longer what the root of them was, until I cried.
While crying, I found I was crying for home. The only thing is, I no longer know where home is. They say home is where the heart is, which really is true, but how do you know where home is when your heart is scattered over the whole world? I still desperately love my home here in the U.S., but even while I am here, my heart cries for Kenya and the Philippines. Kenya especially. Oh, how I miss Kenya and I can't wait to be able to return! It is so confusing though, because when I was in the Philippines this summer I found myself missing Kenya and America. Now that I am back in America I find myself missing Kenya and the Philippines, and I know that if I were to be in Kenya I would probably be missing America and the Philippines. How is it possible to have home in so many places all at once?
In many ways, it makes me smile when I realize this even as I want to cry yet again for the waves of homesickness that wash over me, because, you see, this summer the book of the Bible that God led me to and that I just can't get enough of is 1 Peter. I LOVE 1 Peter, in the first few verses Peter calls us something that makes me want to smile, "God's elect, strangers in the world." Strangers in the world, truly, that is what we all are, isn't it? While we always hear of how heaven is our home and how we don't belong to this world, it can be so easy to forget sometimes when we get settled in and find "home" here. Now, I am beginning to realize more and more just how much heaven truly is home and I really am just passing through this earth, just a stranger here on my way to home. I long for home in a whole new way than ever before, because finally when I do get to go home, to heaven, all of these places I love here that I consider pieces of home that are scattered so far apart will finally all be pieced together. It's not necessarily the places that I love as so much the people in them. I miss my Mama Lucy and sister Shiela and all of the children in Kenya. I miss little Elaine, Judith and Mary Grace and all of the kids I met in the Philippines. When I am overseas I miss my family and friends here in the states. Yet, in heaven, there will be no more missing, no more tears missing the people on the other side of the world! Instead, we will all be together in one place, finally and forever home. I truly long for the day I can go home.
Blessings,
Mikala (a.k.a. Michelle)
I want to start this post with an honest statement, I went to bed crying last night. Yeah, my life isn't just full of fun and laughter and smiles. Oh yes, if you know me, you know that I absolutely LOVE to smile, but sometimes, especially in this past year, I need to cry. Ever since I have been little, I have viewed tears as a sign of weakness and fought them off at all costs, but ever since Kenya, I can't always hold them back. I am slowly learning, that they aren't a sign of weakness, they are God's gift and can be such a welcome relief from all of the stress and emotions of life. Sometimes it is just necessary to let go and cry. I am still not good at this, if I was, I would not have been crying a months worth of tears I have been swallowing until last night when I finally couldn't hold them in any longer. I am so glad I finally let them out though because all of the emotion I had been bottling up inside of me was getting unhealthy, to the point that I almost couldn't function through anything without being on the verge of tears. You know what I'm talking about, when there is this undercurrent of restlessness and sadness inside of you that colors everything you do in a not good way. I had reached this point. My emotions were so strong and coming to the surface at anything, both happy and sad, that I wasn't even sure any longer what the root of them was, until I cried.
While crying, I found I was crying for home. The only thing is, I no longer know where home is. They say home is where the heart is, which really is true, but how do you know where home is when your heart is scattered over the whole world? I still desperately love my home here in the U.S., but even while I am here, my heart cries for Kenya and the Philippines. Kenya especially. Oh, how I miss Kenya and I can't wait to be able to return! It is so confusing though, because when I was in the Philippines this summer I found myself missing Kenya and America. Now that I am back in America I find myself missing Kenya and the Philippines, and I know that if I were to be in Kenya I would probably be missing America and the Philippines. How is it possible to have home in so many places all at once?
In many ways, it makes me smile when I realize this even as I want to cry yet again for the waves of homesickness that wash over me, because, you see, this summer the book of the Bible that God led me to and that I just can't get enough of is 1 Peter. I LOVE 1 Peter, in the first few verses Peter calls us something that makes me want to smile, "God's elect, strangers in the world." Strangers in the world, truly, that is what we all are, isn't it? While we always hear of how heaven is our home and how we don't belong to this world, it can be so easy to forget sometimes when we get settled in and find "home" here. Now, I am beginning to realize more and more just how much heaven truly is home and I really am just passing through this earth, just a stranger here on my way to home. I long for home in a whole new way than ever before, because finally when I do get to go home, to heaven, all of these places I love here that I consider pieces of home that are scattered so far apart will finally all be pieced together. It's not necessarily the places that I love as so much the people in them. I miss my Mama Lucy and sister Shiela and all of the children in Kenya. I miss little Elaine, Judith and Mary Grace and all of the kids I met in the Philippines. When I am overseas I miss my family and friends here in the states. Yet, in heaven, there will be no more missing, no more tears missing the people on the other side of the world! Instead, we will all be together in one place, finally and forever home. I truly long for the day I can go home.
Blessings,
Mikala (a.k.a. Michelle)
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